It’s taken me 30 years to learn…
I have a very distinct memory of sitting on a school bus one afternoon upset because a boy I liked had made a passing joke about the size of my eyes. One of the older girls on the bus – the pretty girl with the cool hair and the awesome clothes (we all know her)- asked me what was wrong, and what she said next has stuck with me ever since.
It wasn’t anything new, or particularly insightful, but it meant a great deal to me. ‘That boy is only making fun of your eyes because he likes you, he wouldn’t have noticed them if he didn’t.’
I never did find out if this was true, and in the grand scheme of things it really did not matter; what did matter though was the lesson it taught me. I had been made to feel insecure by a careless comment, and it may not have even been true!
The truth is we can never truly know what others think of us and we will go crazy trying to please everyone when the only person’s opinion who really matters is our own.
I think back to that moment a lot when I feel inadequate and it puts things in perspective. I only wish I had really taken it all onboard throughout my teens and saved myself a lot of sleepless nights.
Now that I am in my thirties I have begun to realise a lot of things I wish I knew earlier…
It’s ok to be selfish sometimes.
My mental health takes a nose dive if I don’t separate myself every so often. I will take a bit of time to lock myself away in a room and read a book, or watch a film. It doesn’t have to be for a long period of time, most of the time it is just a couple of hours away from the children, the piles of washing up, and adult responsibilities, but my god it makes a big difference.
Your body is not invincible, take care of it.
Drink plenty of water or you will get a water infection, and for Christ’s sake BOOK. YOUR. FUCKING. SMEAR. TEST!!!!
You set your own obstacles.
The mind can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be a fucker. If you think you’ll fail, your mind will make bloody well sure that you do. Think positive and see what happens.
You can’t control everything.
I’m a control freak, and being married to the most disorganised, relaxed person has taught me this the hard way, but honestly is it to much to ask that the washing up gets done before bed?
It’s okay to say no.
You’re an adult Hannah! if you don’t have to do something and you don’t want to do to it then don’t, simple as that.
Set boundaries and don’t put pressure on yourself.
Okay, that’s technically two things but they go hand in hand. Only you know what makes you feel comfortable and letting others pressure you into pushing those boundaries isn’t going to do you any good. I’m not saying we should never try new things, or take the plunge, but we should only do it when it’s right for us.
